Oxford, dear insane Oxford.

Hello all, sorry for the year of radio silence. I wanted to post so many times, but I would find myself picking a photo. Then worrying that the photo wasn’t good enough. Or my idea wasn’t nice enough. Or the poem I’d written wasn’t emphatic enough. I’m a perfectionist, what can I say? I also have incredibly low self-esteem. Well, it’s time to remind myself this blog is for myself.

I’m back at Oxford this year, on a slightly different degree. It’s safe to say I have a love-hate relationship with my university. But you can read all about it in my Instagram post (feel free to give it a like ;))

[Dear Diary: Places – Oxford] Oxford is the happiest and saddest I have ever been. Any peace I have ever felt here has been temporary. The person I am is constantly destroyed, and reformed again the next day. Some days I doubt whether I am meant to be at one of the best universities in the world, and other days I am so damn glad to be here. Is this part of growing up, or is it just the heaven and hell of Oxford?? . Oxford… some days it is so bland that I feel like I am stuck in an airtight room. Other days, I can barely breathe for its intensity. There is never, never a moment of peace – I am either cresting on the wave, or I am drowning beneath. . . . #writersnetwork #wordswithqueens #spilledink #instaprose #wordporn #poem #writer #writersofinstagram #writercommunity #writerscommunity #healing #runawaywriters #lovefromsonna #readwriteunite #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #dreamingspires #dreaming #dreams #heartbreak #rollercoaster #growingup #oxford #personal #deardiary #vsco #nighttimephotography #cityphotography

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The Place You Run To

[Dear Diary: Places – London] Sometimes, giving yourself time isn't enough. Sometimes, you need a place to run to. London was the place I ran to when I was dealing with my first heartbreak. He broke up with me in the beginning of January. For three days, I moved out of college and into a friend's room. I cried, I couldn't eat, and I let my thoughts run wild. Then, I moved back in. I glued myself together and buckled down for the exams waiting for me at the end of the term. Whenever I started thinking about him, I'd turn the pain into exam stress instead ("Oh my God, Sonna, you're going to fail because of a BOY. Don't be so stupid.") When I couldn't stand it anymore, I found out who was willing to stand with the down and broken version of me. Some people turned me away. Others said things that sounded like comfort but were really sharpened knives. Thank God there were people who took me in and helped me pull myself together. Somehow, somehow, I held myself together until exams were over and done with. Then I ran to London. London's like the city I grew up in. Lights are everywhere, shops are open seemingly 24/7 and well-dressed people are rushing off and about their busy lives. London feels alive. So for 10 days, I walked around watching these people who were so full of life and I started to feel the same. I explored cafes, I bought books then read them in the cafes, I wrote down all the things I'd been choking on for two months and I told myself that I would live again. London's still the place I run to when I can't stand the stress, whenever I get fed up with a university that constantly demands nothing less than your best – and sometimes that's still not enough. Whenever I feel like I'm dying inside, I buy a return ticket and hop on the London-bound train. In a city that feels so alive, somehow you find the strength to say, "I can face it all over again." * * * #survivor #London #firstheartbreak #breakup #alive #reborn #safespace #places #ukig #spilledink #fromtheheart #londonlove #love #escape #thegreatescape #boyfriend #dyinginside #train #citygirl #brokenheart #nofilter #deardiary #lovefromsonna

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Decided to spill some ink – and well-kept secrets – on Instagram at 3am.

Caption:

Sometimes, giving yourself time isn’t enough. Sometimes, you need a place to run to.

London was the place I ran to when I was dealing with my first heartbreak. He broke up with me in the beginning of January. For three days, I moved out of college and into a friend’s room. I cried, I couldn’t eat, and I let my thoughts run wild. Then, I moved back in.

I glued myself together and buckled down for the exams waiting for me at the end of the term. Whenever I started thinking about him, I’d turn the pain into exam stress instead (“Oh my God, Sonna, you’re going to fail because of a BOY. Don’t be so stupid.”) When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I found out who was willing to stand with the down and broken version of me. Some people turned me away. Others said things that sounded like comfort but were really sharpened knives. Thank God there were people who took me in and helped me pull myself together. Somehow, somehow, I held myself together until exams were over and done with. Then I ran to London.

London’s like the city I grew up in. Lights are everywhere, shops are open seemingly 24/7 and well-dressed people are rushing off and about their busy lives. London feels alive. So for 10 days, I walked around watching these people who were so full of life and I started to feel the same. I explored cafes, I bought books then read them in the cafes, I wrote down all the things I’d been choking on for two months and I told myself that I would live again.

London’s still the place I run to when I can’t stand the stress, whenever I get fed up with a university that constantly demands nothing less than your best – and sometimes that’s still not enough. Whenever I feel like I’m dying inside, I buy a return ticket and hop on the London-bound train. In a city that feels so alive, somehow you find the strength to say, “I can face it all over again.”

 

So… who are you again?

How I imagine anyone who reads this blog:

Harry-potter-who-are-you

 

Who is Sonna?

My name isn’t really Sonna. Sonna is the name I created for my alter ego. Sonna’s the person I wish I were right now, and hopefully will be in the future. I haven’t quite decided what she’s like yet but I know she’s happy.

This blog, really, is for myself and I hope to make it the little access point by which I meet the rest of the world. It’s a bit of a paradox :I’d like to remain anonymous but also want with equal fervour to share what I love with other people.

Well you know what, who says I can’t get the best of both worlds.

PS IF YOU EVER DO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CONGRATULATIONS! Please don’t ruin it for me xx

So what will this blog be about?

Well I was originally going to call this blog This is What I Love. It’s self-explanatory really 😉

That sounds cool! How often will I get to see new content?

Well.

hat’s a very good question.

Short answer: I’m not quite sure.

I’m often super busy reading for/ doing my weekly essays and I alternate between long periods of working and 1 day of procrastination. Here’s to the hope that I’ll procastinate by blogging.